It’s dark, gray, and rainy out today. I can’t tell you how much I love it. This kind of weather makes me think. I realize that the difficult two years of my life where I was mostly off my bipolar meds really took a toll on my family and especially me. I changed a lot and, in some ways, not for the better. I have grown a lot internally but socially I’m still not where I want to be. My mental illness and Covid made me retreat into myself quite a bit.
My inner landscape is rich but my outer landscape is still a bit barren. In the hard times I had basically become a recluse. During the first two years of Covid I barely went outside except to take out the trash. Jason did everything. We have some friends here in Oregon so I’ve been trying to get out more and go over their apartment. So I’m doing better but I have to get out of my head and my comfort zone more.
During those two years I am grateful my little family stuck by me and I’m grateful Jason did everything that I couldn’t. I’m on meds now and have been for awhile but I’m still trying to become a better woman because a lot of the changes in me that are less positive have grown into a habit.
So I am just working on me and trying to nurture myself and my family. It’s hard to talk to others (like the rest of my family) about this because I feel I’m not the woman I was and I need to rebuild a new and better me. Here’s to self improvement !