Trouble Sleeping

Laying in bed in the dark reading The Art of Non-Conformity with my love sleeping beside me. It’s been a whirlwind. Mere months ago we picked up and moved to Oregon just outside of Portland. It was a crazy idea but we desperately needed a big change.

The trip here was harrowing. It feels like it was a hundred years ago. After over forty years in Colorado, it feels like another life. It’s been a bumpy start but we’re managing.

During Covid and a period of time off my bipolar meds I became a recluse and started hiding from the world. I’m an empath so the craziness out there, socially, economically, and politically, really wore me down. I had to protect myself.

I still haven’t ventured out much but I am starting to reconnect with others and getting to know myself. I know I’ll always want to be home based and I will have to stop hiding so much but right now I need this. Self-care and care of the family in all the necessary ways is my priority.

I’m frightened… by current issues, about the future of us as a family. I’m worried about the world and my legacy. I’m worried about the time I’ve wasted. I’m haunted by the past and my mistakes.

I need to relax, love others, love myself, and rejuvenate. I need to write poetry and cry when I need to. I need to make some sort of difference before I leave this earth.

These are the thoughts I have when it’s dark and quiet.

Catherine

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