Looking Toward the Future

Sorry I haven’t been blogging at all. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking. I’ve been analyzing my life forwards and backwards and figuring out where to go from here. I wanted to make my living as a blogger but I had to realize that wasn’t going to happen so now I’m just here to share. And, oh man friends, I have been lost.

My partner has reached a point in his life where he wants more. For himself, for our family. He is in a bootcamp to be a software engineer, which will be lifechanging for all three of us. But that leads me to think about what I want to do. I know I want to be a writer but that might take some time to build up. My amazing friend Jackie is teaching me to do freelance paralegal work and I think I may try to segue into that while writing. But in the meantime I can’t let go of my job until there’s something stable.

My brother, Eirinn, wrote a book for Kindle and he’s been seeing sales and good reviews and oh my, it is so inspiring. I want to do that. I lived life to the fullest, I really did, and I have a lot of stories to tell. The book I started is about bipolar disorder and witchcraft. These are two subjects I know very well and I have a lot to say. The issues of mental health and witchcraft actually intersect quite often.

It’s Saturday and it was good to sleep in. Self-care day today. I just have a great need at this age for peace and simplicity. It is really hard to develop peace and simplicity in such a complex, chaotic world but I’m working on it.

I left this post in drafts for over a week but now I’m back. I’m home from work and it is raining. Watching a book video by Morgan Long. She lives here in Portland and I get really inspired by her to see the city when things are more stable.

I’m a bit sad because I miss my family. I wonder sometimes why I moved so far away from them. It’s true that I needed a fresh start and new surroundings and we wanted to come to Portland. But now we need to make more money so we can see our loved ones. I want to be able to visit them or fly them into Portland. That’s why my partner is in the software engineer boot camp. We NEED to be in a higher income bracket. We don’t want to struggle anymore. I am so tired of the struggle. There is more to life than this and we’ve paid in blood, sweat, and tears. We deserve better.

I just feel like I’m in such a transition period. I don’t even know if I want to make art anymore. I lost all my art in a storage unit and that just may be the nail in the coffin. Plus it seems EVERYONE is an artist now….I mean geez. And now you’ve got people making art with AI and competing with traditional artists so what’s the point? I think I might just paint on occasion just for my soul, my home, those I love. As far as a career or showing in galleries again? Nope.

Listening to a 2 hour piece Adrian von Ziegler just released on YouTube called Night Mist. It’s beautiful and peaceful. I think that’s all for today…be back soon. ❤



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